I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
