my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Your penis caused this!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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