guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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