hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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