Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize