brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
