i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
