I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
