He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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