I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize