Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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