they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
