So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
