I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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