hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
