Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
