Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
