Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
