i was rollin on her like bob the builder
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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