I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize