I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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