there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
