So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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