btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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