im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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