I am puke
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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