He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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