I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
now i know why i became what i already was.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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