stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
