I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize