I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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