i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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