hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
