Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize