You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
