It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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