Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Less talking, more tequila
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
