She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
