I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
