We won't sleep together?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
