i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
