i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
