I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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