You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
