I want to stick my p in your. b.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
