I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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