i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
