Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
