worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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