you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize