Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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