2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
