can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
