I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
