Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
