I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
