the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
