when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
