Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Randomize