You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
