the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
