I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
worst night to have a conscience
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
