i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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