I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
