So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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