No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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