I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
