dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
