so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
