Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
