Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
