my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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