they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just had sex on a roof
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
