Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize