You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
