Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
