I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
