So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
