I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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