Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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