and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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