My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
