You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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