why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
