Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize