true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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