One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
