I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Welp...herpes.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
