we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
