I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
