Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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