Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Randomize
