what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
