I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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