CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
