pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
