He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
